Out to Lunch
by Fenrir's Daughter
Summary: Going stir-crazy from being so cooped up, Tezz, Spinner, and Sherman sneak out of the hub for an afternoon of fun. Unfortunately for them, the citizens of Handler's Corners are all acting a little strange, and the insanity seems to be contagious! A spiritual successor to Spinner's Day Out.
1. A Fool's Errand

A/N: I RETURN TRIUMPHANT. Haha, no. Actually, life's kinda been a little sucky for a bit, and I guess it's been sucky in a way that's made things too hectic for me to work on my fanfiction. I kinda fell into choose your own adventure stuff for a while, in the form of Saints Row: The Third. Violent video games are not your friends, kids. No matter how much fun it is to murder random civilians with a giant purple dildo. Remember that.

This is kind of a spiritual successor to **Spinner's Day Out** in the way that peeps are annoyed and decide to go hang out in town, meeting crazies in the process. Yaaaaaay!

You know the drill, folks. Me no own, you know sue, reviews appreciated, yaddayaddayadda, ROLL IT!

* * *

Tezz snuggled deeper under his blankets, covering his ears with the down comforter, hoping to drown out the noise of his bickering caregivers. Was this what it was like for children of divorce, he wondered? Lying awake in their beds as Mommy and Daddy insisted they were correct with barely restrained hatred, tossing catty insults like high school girls? Two 'mature' adults argued over whether this or that was better for the still recovering Tezz, each asserting that their way was right and the other had no business questioning them.

"Your IQ does not even reach room temperature," she spat. "In _Celsius._ What makes you think you would know better than I how to care for him?"

The blonde rolled his eyes at the insult to his intelligence and snarled. "When theoretical physics is somehow going to heal him, I'll call you. When was the last time you cared for a sick person? You've got the bedside manner of Jack Kavorkian!"

Unfortunately for Tezz, the two who argued in front of his bed were not his long-dead mother and father. Rather, the man who thought he had been caring for people long enough that he didn't need some coed to waltz in with her fancy book-learning and tell him what to do was his lover, AJ Dalton. And the intelligent, well-educated young lady who believed she knew better than a backwoods Canuck when it came to medical fact was the female alternate universe counterpart of Tezz's whom the Battle Force 5 had rescued, Teresa Volitov.

It was awkward, listening to his boyfriend and his sister arguing while he lay there in bed. Tezz was sure Spinner would have come up with something funny to say to shut them both up, but Tezz was not very good at defusing tense social situations.

"Look, Dr. Gupta said—"

"I do not care," Teresa hissed. There was little doubt her time with Dark AJ was coloring her opinion of the one who stood before her. "You are being ridiculous. That is something you do for a fever. It is true he needs to rest, but his temperature is fine. Why are you even in here, anyway? I do not appreciate your interference while I care for my brother."

AJ glared. _"I'm_ the one caring for Tezz, here, Teresa," he snapped.

"Why? What is he to you?"

Tezz froze. He had yet to explain to Teresa his relationship with AJ, knowing how badly she hated seeing his face. The situation was becoming tenser by the moment. He had to escape before she made him explain himself.

AJ crossed his arms. "He's very important to me," he insisted quietly. "All of my teammates mean a lot to me. But Tezz… Tezz is special."

The Russian woman put her hands on her hips, eyeing the larger male. It always made her so nervous to be in a room with _him,_ so much stronger than her as he was. All the horrible smiles she had seen, not on his face but on one just like it. Somehow, she did not like at all the way he spoke to her, the way AJ looked at the floor and the wall and anywhere but into Teresa's eyes.

"Special _how?"_ she demanded. "Please, _enlighten_ me with your country wisdom."

AJ sighed. She was going to find out eventually. "I think that Tezz should be the one to tell you," he said softly. He moved to the bed and gently pulled back the covers. "Tezz, could you help me out here?"

But both of them let out a startled gasp. The bed was empty, and on the pillow was a slip of paper. Carefully, AJ picked up the paper and unfolded it, but its content baffled him. The text was so illegible that all he could make out was a little drawing of a clock.

"Um, Teresa," he said, "Can you make heads or tails of this? I'm not so great with the Cyrilic alphabet."

In annoyance she snatched the paper away and glanced at the writing. "It says 'Out to lunch, back in one hour,'" she said in disbelief.

For a moment the pair locked eyes, each wondering if perhaps they should have been nicer to each other, if their animosity had driven Tezz away. Each wondered how long their charge had been missing before either of them noticed, and if the young Russian was at least safe.

And then the moment passed and they started yelling at each other again.

"This is your fault!" Teresa screeched.

AJ's eyes went wide. "My fault?! You're the one who—"

* * *

Sherman Cortez sighed dejectedly. In this instance, the gentle giant was experiencing a feeling that many young men felt from time to time; he was hungry, but could not decide what he wanted. Nothing in the fridge really caught his fancy, and furthermore, he didn't much feel like cooking. Spinner was too busy with his game, as usual, to help with making lunch or even offer a suggestion.

Sherman turned towards his brother. "Soooo, no storm shock so far today."

"Mhmm," Spinner murmured, strategically mashing buttons on his NintendoDS.

"From the current atmospheric conditions, there probably won't be a storm shock for a while, either."

Spinner growled out, "Come on, you spike-shelled little bastard. I got a fire flower with your name on it!"

Sherman smiled. He had been so worried for his older brother lately. Spinner had been acting strangely since his assault, but there were moments where his old personality would shine through and give Sherman hope. Yes, Spinner was essentially ignoring Sherman, and Sherman was okay with that, because it was a sign that things besides the tragedy of the attack could occupy his mind. Before he knew it, Spinner would be back to normal and all would be right with the world.

Still, Spinner wasn't the only one for whom keeping themselves occupied could be a problem. Vert had suspended Spinner from the battle zones until he had sufficiently psychologically recovered, afraid the gamer's mental state would be worsened by combat. The Buster Tank was pretty useless without Spinner manning the weapons system, so Sherman was basically banned from the zones, too. Sherman had spent some time in the lab to try and keep busy, but the younger Cortez was just too anxious to really concentrate on anything important. He didn't take well to being cooped up without a break.

So, yes, he told himself he was concerned for his big brother, but mostly, Sherman was just really bored.

"You know," he said, "we never did get to go out for Chinese. We could go for lunch and maybe then you could show me around Totem Corners."

A high-pitched tone from the DS signaled that Spinner had paused his game. He looked up at his little brother and raised an eyebrow, gently putting the DS down on the counter. He scratched the back of his neck. He checked the clock on the wall. Spinner opened his mouth to say something, closed it, looked away, and crossed his arms with a frown.

"Bro?" the younger Cortez asked in concern. Sherman looked worriedly at his brother. "You okay?"

Spinner shifted uncomfortably on his kitchen stool. "I wanna stay home."

The younger of the Cortez brothers furrowed his eyebrows. "Spin, you haven't left the hub since we brought Tezz home from the hospital. Are you sure you're alright?"

The gamer frowned. "I just don't want to go out right now," he said, shrugging. "I don't see what the big deal is. Let's just eat here."

Sherman considered this for a moment, analyzing his brother's actions. Spinner had retreated into himself as soon as someone had suggested he go outside, which was all within normal parameters for a lot of gamers, but Spinner was the kind of guy who usually loved adventure and excitement. Perhaps he had experienced a tad too much as of late, and Sherman took this into consideration. But Spinner had barely been dragged from the hub to the Tipsy Roadrunner, a night out with friends that had been completely soured by Tezz's hospitalization. And now, he didn't want to leave the base at all. Staying cooped up was bad for Spinner, but he was not going to listen to reason for the time being.

So Sherman decided not to use reason at all and instead whined like a child.

"But I don't _feel_ like cooking," he complained, putting a little extra nasal into his vocal inflection. "There's nothing interesting in the fridge and I want egg rolls! Why can't we go out for lunch? You never want to do anything fun anymore." Despite being so much larger than Spinner, Sherman leveled a pair of puppy dog eyes at him fit to make the Wicked Witch of the West weep. "I'm _bored!_ Pay _attention_ to me!"

Spinner rolled his eyes in exasperation. "God, alright! We'll go, already! Just stop looking at me like that. It's embarrassing." He snorted. "To think a grown man could sink so low. Pfft."

Sherman smugly grinned at the flawless execution of his plan. "It'll be good for you to get some fresh air and see the sun, Spin," he said. "Usually you're the one telling _me_ this, but you need to lighten up. Let's go out and have some fun."

"Yeah, I guess," the gamer said. He grumbled, but Spinner did have some trouble keeping the smile from his face. After a moment, the smile turned to a laugh, and his younger brother grinned back at him.

Sherman beamed happily. "I knew you'd come around, Spin."

"That's not why I'm laughing!" Spinner chuckled. He pointed towards the hall. "Look!"

Tezz stopped in his painfully obvious tracks. The young Russian had attempted to sneak unobserved out to the elevator in order to escape the hub, but obviously, physical operations had never been his strong point. Tezz, while capable of some measure of subterfuge and cunning, was not nearly as graceful as Zoom, Agura, or even fancy-pants Stanford, and so the Cortez brothers had spotted him easily.

Upon realizing he had been noticed, Tezz darted forward to the front of the kitchen island, ducking down so as to put it between himself and the hall; now if someone came up that corridor, they would not see him.

Spinner failed to stifle his snickering laughter. "What the hell are you doing?"

Tezz glared up at the brothers. "I am attempting to abscond from the hub unobserved," he whispered harshly.

"Great job, by the way," the hacker chuckled.

"Stop talking so freely, please! They will hear you!"

"Who will hear us?" Sherman furrowed his eyebrows with worry. "Tezz, shouldn't you be resting?"

"But how can I rest with those two constantly arguing?" the Russian hissed back. "Neither Teresa nor AJ will give me a moment's peace. If I must stay here, I will go mad!"

Sherman sighed. "I understand that must be very frustrating for you, but your health really isn't up to par right now, Tezz. You shouldn't even be out of bed."

Tezz looked up at Sherman in alarm. "Surely you are not thinking of handing me back to them! Sherman, please, just go about your business and say nothing! This is all I ask!"

"I dunno…"

Back down the hall from which Tezz had come, they heard two voices. AJ's usual trumpeting tenor was rumbling dangerously low, and Teresa's typically sultry tone had risen to a venomous screech. Sherman's ears started burning from the insults they hurled at each other, and he knew then that the hidden genius had not been exaggerating. Presently he cleared his throat to grab their attention. Both Teresa and AJ blinked in surprise as they continued their approach, poorly disguising how they had fought.

Teresa shot a cold look at the Canadian. "My apologies, Sherman. I hope _AJ_ did not disturb you with his outburst."

"My—_You_ started it!"

"You are mistaken once more, you unevolved—"

"Listen, you arrogant, anorexic—"

"I am NOT anorexic!"

Spinner rolled his eyes dramatically. "For the love of God, _shut up!_ You're both being ridiculous."

The female genius rounded on him, snarling. "You have nothing to add to this conversation!"

Spinner pointed at AJ. "You. You know Teresa doesn't like you. We all do. But she's the only family Tezz has. She's always going to be a part of his life."

Teresa relaxed, nodding regally. "I stand corrected. Finally, someone around here speaks in a rational manner." She only gazed smugly at the now deeply scowling AJ, confident that she had won.

And then Spinner rounded on her. "But the BF5 is like an extended family and AJ was here first. He's not going anywhere anytime soon. So you both better get used to each other and learn to be civil." Spinner shuddered in disgust. "Ugh, you know if I'm the voice of reason, something's gone seriously wrong. No wonder Tezz left!"

Teresa turned in shock. "Tezz left?"

"Yeah, he said you were both being irrational and he was going to Zeke's to get away from you," Spinner lied. "Honestly, I can see what he meant."

"Tezz is still quite weak!" Teresa exclaimed. "He is not supposed to be out of bed!"

Before his older brother could further antagonize the feuding pair, Sherman put his hands up in a placating gesture. "Now, guys, the two of you fighting like this was likely very stressful." He gave them an apologetic smile. "He's probably fine. Just give him some time to cool off, and I'm sure he'll come right home."

The female Russian looked positively downcast, so concerned she was for Tezz. But Teresa gathered her resolve and straightened to her full height, glowering haughtily.

"Come along, AJ," she demanded icily. "We must check Tezz's tracking beacon."

AJ looked over in surprise. "We?"

"You helped to drive him away," she hissed, jabbing a finger at his chest. "You will help me look for him."

Not wanting to argue further, AJ grudgingly followed Teresa out of the kitchen and towards the control room. Acknowledging that AJ only helped and had not driven Tezz away on his own was likely the closest the stubborn young woman would ever come to admitting she was wrong. The Cortez brothers watched the pair walk away and, as soon as they were out of earshot, Spinner snapped his fingers and motioned for Tezz to follow behind them.

Spinner acted naturally, leading his brother and friend to the garage, concealing Tezz behind the physically imposing Sherman whenever necessary. Soon enough they were on the ground level and quietly debating their mode of transport. Originally, Sherman's plan had been to borrow the Dodge Challenger from the Wheeler residence, as the Buster Tank was too ridiculously large to park in Totem Corners, but Tezz was so worried about being caught before being able to reach it that he offered to let them take the Split Wire if they took him with them. The boys agreed, but there was still the matter of Tezz's tracking beacon.

With a quick entry into his Android tablet, the elder Cortez hit the Hub's computer network with a lag spike—the internet slowed to a crawl and the computers ceased to do anything but buffer or freeze on their loading screens. If they were going to get out of there unabated, keeping Teresa and AJ from tracking Tezz's watch for the next ten minutes was crucial.

"He could just leave his communicator here," Sherman said, pointing out the obvious.

Spinner scoffed. "But it ties together the outfit so nicely!"

"And jamming the hub computers could keep the team from being notified of a storm shock opening or an attack on Earth."

"Calm your tits," the hacker said offhandedly. "It's not like I nailed them with a denial of service attack. The local usernet will just be a little slow for the next half hour or so. Everything's going to be fine."

Relieved, Tezz sighed. "Thank you," he said. "I never would have asked you to lie for me…but I am glad you did. Thank you for smuggling me out of the hub."

As the three boys climbed into the Split Wire, Tezz offering Sherman the wheel, Spinner looked at Tezz in surprise. Slowly, he nodded. "You're welcome," he told the genius. He continued to stare for a bit, but once Sherman had started the car, he shook his head and put on an easy smile. "I just knew we would've never heard the end of it if you'd been stuck with those two the whole time. Even _I_ was getting pissed off just listening to them."

"Yes, well. I still appreciate it very—"

A loud rumbling noise interrupted this statement, and Spinner and Tezz stared at a now blushing Sherman. Refusing to look at either of the young men who laughed at him, Sherman merely frowned and pointed the vehicle towards the center of the small town.

"Like you've never heard a stomach growl before," he said bashfully. "Seriously, can we go now? I'm hungry!"

Recovering or not, the Russian wanted nothing to do with his bed just then, no matter how comfortable it sounded. And so the duo became a trio, and Volitov and the brothers Cortez made their way to the colorful little neighborhood known as Totem Corners. A short drive up Mechanics Road pointed them towards town, jiggle-joggle over to Totem Avenue by way of State Route 17, and they had their parking space in the lot behind Lucky Panda Chinese.


	2. Angry Birds IRL

A/N: So apparently I have a procrastination problem. Or writer's block, whatever. Hopefully, I can fix that. Here's chapter 2, I guess.

* * *

The air was thick with the luscious scent of eggrolls frying, and Sherman eagerly headed for the front door. He had never been to this restaurant before, though several friends had recommended it. He had wanted to, but never had the opportunity. And now, half-starved as he was, Sherman enthusiastically dragged his brother and friend toward the place.

"I think I'll start with some beef and broccoli," he said happily, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Spinner, what would you say was your favorite dish when you ate here?"

"The waitress," he said with a naughty leer. Spinner chuckled. "Pretty much all of the food was great, though. Just order whatever."

"Good luck getting a table," squawked an older, feminine voice.

Spinner squeaked and jumped into Sherman's arms in surprise and terror.

"Lucky Panda is closed for a birthday party," the old crone said. A thin, beaky woman regarded them with strange yellow eyes and a curious smile. "I didn't mean to startle you, Spinner. I suppose it's my fault for lurking. Are you alright?"

The gamer carefully extricated himself from the embrace of his younger but much larger brother, trembling as he got to his feet. "I-I'm f-fine, Madame Wise Raven," he insisted. But the hunch of his shoulders and his shaking frame told a different story.

Madame Wise Raven looked at him sorrowfully, absent-mindedly touching the pentacle that hung at her throat as she eyed the startled Mexican. She had seen the mark of disaster hanging over this boy's head as he gazed at Janet's painting. The old crone had hoped the blessed silver that now hung around Spinner's neck would help ward it off, but still had such ill fortune found the boy.

'_It isn't your place to get so involved in mortal affairs, Maria,'_ she chided herself. But still she found herself feeling so guilty at Spinner's bad luck. With a wan smile, she took the boy's wrist.

"Let me see you your palm," she intoned, all business. Spinner resisted at first, but the stern look on her face told him what a bad idea it was to disobey her. The gamer watched her with some worry, too scared to take back his hand.

Carefully the old woman traced the lines on Spinner's hand, and when she looked back up at him, her golden eyes twinkled. "Something wonderful is coming your way," she said warmly. "Both to your finances and your social circle. Some of your friends may be concerned, but you're the only one who can decide what's best for you."

As his hand was dropped, Spinner barely cracked a smile, but however weak it was, it was still a smile, and that was enough for her.

He rubbed the back of his neck uneasily. "Um, okay."

Madame Wise Raven beamed back. "The multiverse has a way of balancing these things out," she said. "You'll see. You'll find the happiness you deserve, if you don't give up hope."

Spinner was about to thank her when Tezz stepped between them, glaring.

"Superstitious old woman," he derided. "The lines of Spinner's palm have nothing to do with the danger he has faced."

Ever the peacemaker, Sherman attempted to mediate between the two. "Now, Tezz, I'm sure she meant well—"

"Meant well by using an old wives' tale to support her lie?" he snarled. "How dare she trivialize Spinner's recent tragedies? He has been through enough without her filling his mind with such falsehoods."

The Cortez brothers both expected Madame Wise Raven to be annoyed, but the iron-haired old woman merely gave a knowing, secretive sort of smile.

"I take no offense at your friend's vehement disbelief," she said easily. "A life without a sense of wonder is to be pitied."

Tezz bristled. "There is quite a difference between having a sense of wonder and perpetuating a fairytale as truth. There is no scientific basis for the fortunes you tell, no way for a human to clairvoyantly sense a person's past, present, or future."

Why was it that those who knew nothing seemed to think they knew everything? There was more in Heaven or on Earth or any other plane of existence than a human brain could comprehend, and such secrets being revealed to them would drive a person mad; Janet Wheeler was proof enough of that. It was so amusing to see such an arrogant young man make assertions of one fact just because he lacked proof of the other.

Madame Wise Raven chuckled in spite of herself, and made a remark that cut the Russian to the core. "Poor little moonchild," she mockingly soothed. "All you've witnessed since your ninth year, and still you fail to realize that nothing is impossible."

Tezz stopped dead in his tracks, too surprised by the comment to even blink in confusion. The alleged genius suddenly found himself at a loss for words, which was a very rare state of being for him indeed. As his mind processed the words she had said to him, he stood still as a statue, caught like prey in her predatory, yellow eyes. The silence of his friends was marred only by the scraping sound of tumbleweed rolling across the asphalt of the street.

Slowly, he shook his head, swallowing uneasily. "What… What did you just say to me?"

Only Sage and the Battle Force 5 knew of the time he had spent on the Red Sentient moon, only _they_ knew he was so young when he was first trapped there. Madame Wise Raven being aware of such things was _impossible._ There had to be a rational explanation.

The witch smirked. "You have a bird on your head."

"What?"

A very large corvid—more than likely a common raven, scientific name _Corvus_ _Corax_—bent down suddenly over the top of Tezz's head and peered into his eyes. The Russian cried out in dismay and confusion, waving his arms to shoo the bird away. The raven cawed indignantly, a piercing cry that carried for half a mile. At his call, a heavy population of big black birds took flight from the dead trees in front of Madame Wise Raven's shop and flew speeding around the corner at the bothered genius and his friends. Recognizing the danger, Sherman hefted Tezz and Spinner over his shoulders and ran screaming from the chattering mass of black wings and into the nearest open door he saw, which just so happened to be the door to Coyote Comics, and slammed it behind him.

The angry birds shrieked, a few of them smacking against the glass. The rest of them perched on signs, shrubs, and fences outside. Watching, _staring_ through the window. WAITING.

Madame Wise Raven clucked in disdain. "Really, Edgar," she scolded the largest and oldest of the birds. "That wasn't very nice at all."

* * *

Sherman helped Tezz and Spinner back to their feet and leaned against the wall, sliding down to a sitting position to catch his breath. Once safely inside Coyote Comics, Spinner doubled over and began hyperventilating, panicked as he was from the avian attack. Breathing heavily and still fairly frightened, the gamer ventured to glance out the window.

A vicious-looking mass of black feathers and beady eyes stared back at him, a flock of maybe thirty angry birds, all glaring with malice and hunger.

The gamer shrieked and hid behind a shelf full of obscure sci-fi movies. "Oh, my god, what is up with that flock?!"

"A murder."

Spinner screamed in terror once more, this time scrambling up his brother's shoulders. Both he and Sherman stared in wariness at the source of the vague East coast accent: a brunette with a dimpled smile. Though she had the extra padding and wide hips of a mother, her big eyes and bouncy curls, coupled with her almost cherubic chubbiness, made her seem closer to their age. The gamer knew her as proprietor of the fine establishment which they were now in and wife of the proprietor of the fine establishment across the street.

"Jesus Christ, Lupita!" he gasped.

She grinned sheepishly around her large canines, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I didn't mean to spook you."

"Well, you did!" Spinner insisted, close to tears. "Don't just sneak up on people and say 'a murder!' Who the hell does that?!"

"I was talking about the crows. A group of crows is called a murder."

Tezz glanced out the window. "As it so happens, I am fairly certain those are actually ravens."

"Well, if that's the case," Lupita conceded, "then they'd be called an unkindness. Though 'a conspiracy of ravens' is also accepted. So, ya know, whichever is fine. Ahem. Yeah." The older geek shuffled her feet. "Why are we talking about corvids, anyway?"

The three young men shared a look, Tezz growing paler. Several seconds passed before one of them broke the silence.

"Madame Wise Raven said hello on the street," Spinner said, still confused. "Then we got attacked by birds."

Lupita's eyes widened. "Madame Wise Raven's unkindness of ravens swooped down and attacked you?"

"…Yeah."

"Is that all?"

Spinner frowned at her laugh and dismissive wave, but before he could tell the shopkeeper off she was out the door. Curiously, the Cortez brothers and young Volitov watched as the curly-haired woman casually strolled out the front door, stopping directly before the aforementioned unkindness of ravens. From their angle they could see her in profile, a pudgy thing of unimpressively average height, arms crossed over her chest, facing off against a mass of black wings and beady eyes. For a few moments, nothing happened. The birds stared down at her, hardly a feather fluttering among them, and she stared up at them, her face completely blank. And then, suddenly, her stance changed: her shoulders arched, her head lowered. Lupita's eyes narrowed dangerously, her forehead wrinkling with effort and concentration, and finally her wide mouth pulled back in a snarl. The woman let out a growl so fierce it could be heard through the glass, her hands raised in claws and her long, pointed teeth gaping at them. With panicked screeching the ravens flew off in every direction, high into the sky and away from her.

Lupita relaxed her stance, her growl becoming a girlish titter, and she frolicked back into her comic shop with her curly hair bouncing around her face.

Spinner was frozen on the spot. "Lupita," he said, swallowing nervously. "What big teeth you have."

The geek grinned coquettishly, fluttering her eyelashes. "Hey, you wanted the birds gone."

"I, uh," Sherman stammered in stunned disbelief. "I didn't think humans could make that kind of sound."

"I used to front a goth-metal band." She showed her teeth as sweetly as she could, her adorable dimples not doing a thing to make her unnaturally large canines look less scary. "That's actually where I got these choppers; the boys and I all went in for cosmetic surgery."

Spinner chewed over the semi-plausible, perfectly logical story he had just been fed and decided for the sake of his own sanity that he had only imagined the woman's irises glowing yellow and her nose growing into a snout. "Seems legit," he said finally, by way of forced acceptance. "Do you think the ravens will be back?"

"Not likely," she said waving away the notion. "They're usually pretty mellow birds, eat right outta ya hands if you're quiet. Unless you do something stupid like hurt one of 'em or steal from Maria's shop, you should be fine."

The Cortez brothers shot a glare at Tezz, who had smacked the first raven away.

"So how ya doin', Spinner?"

The gamer blinked. "All right, aside from the birds."

Her gaze softened. "No, I mean really. How are you?"

Spinner bristled. "Fine," he said through a clenched smile. "Did you happen to have gotten those comics I asked for last time I was here?"

Lupita sighed and nodded, heading behind the service desk to rummage through a stack of manila envelopes. After a moment or so, she came back around and handed the elder Cortez the new variant cover of Vlador's Quest #2, a first printing copy of issue #5 of the same series, and the next part of the Spider-Man and Squirrel Girl teamup. When Spinner reached for his wallet, she held up her hand in refusal.

"Don't worry about it, champ," she said softly. "It's on the house."

Spinner looked away and muttered his thanks. With a nod, he beckoned his cohorts out the door.

"Take care," Lupita called, leaning over the counter to rest her elbows there. After the door closed, she let out a sorrowful little puppy whine. "Poor kid," she whispered. "I hope Roy Cash burns in hell."

* * *

Agura groaned as she saw Teresa approaching. She recognized the consternated frown of someone who was not getting their way and refused to admit they were wrong, an expression she had seen countless times on the girl's "sibling." The Russian female was clearly displeased with something or other. Agura thought she remembered hearing some shouting earlier, but at the time she hadn't worried about it. Now, however, seeing the obviously upset young woman marching stiffly towards her, she wondered if perhaps she should have intervened; though Teresa was trying her hardest to project an air of annoyance and anger, the lines in her forehead and the shine of her eyes were all wrong. Teresa tried to look angry. She tried not to look weak.

But Agura didn't need her keen senses to tell the girl had been crying.

Still, the girl approached the huntress with overt aggression, and Agura was not having any shenanigans. Vert's mother was due to be let out of the psych ward any day now, and the newly minted couple would have enough on their plates when the time came. As much as she felt she owed it to Teresa to give her the benefit of the doubt, Agura simply lacked the patience necessary at the moment. If Teresa wanted to be rude and push her, Agura was fully prepared to push back. It was the only way she would ever learn manners.

"I require your tracking skills," Teresa stated, foregoing any greeting or niceties.

"Hello to you, too," Agura grumped.

AJ Dalton gave a cringing sort of smile by way of an apology. Apparently, Agura had been so busy watching Teresa's approach—_'Now, that is a girl who's just itching for a fight,'_ she thought to herself—that she had failed to notice the enormous white guy trailing behind her. AJ mouthed that he was sorry and Agura gave him a nod.

"Yes, yes, hello," Teresa said, her tone caustic. "I require your tracking skills. Follow me."

Agura crossed her arms. "Say please."

Tezz's twin twisted the ring on her finger, the special one her brother had sent her; a true piece of engineering genius that took the basic principles of his power gauntlet and miniaturized them into a cleverly concealed weapon. If the huntress thought Teresa couldn't hold her own in a cat fight, she was in for quite a shock. Luckily, AJ stepped in before the claws came out.

"Agura, please, you have to help us," the platinum blonde begged. "Tezz is missing!"

And with that, any trace of sarcasm left her system. Agura purposefully strode towards Tezz's bedroom, where he was last known to be resting. "How long since you last saw him?"

"What? You will help _him_ but not _me_?" Teresa glared daggers at AJ's sweet smile.

"Now, Teresa, it only takes an extra moment to be polite!" The Canadian stuck out his tongue in triumph.

Agura felt the mattress. It was still warm. "Forty-five minutes since he bolted. Split Wire's gone but all the battle keys are accounted for. He can't have gone far." The huntress looked up at them, her expression confused. "Tezz is stubborn, but he's smarter than this. He's all dressed up with nowhere to go. What's the point? Why leave now?"

Teresa's scowl gave away nothing, but AJ flinched. Agura crossed her arms again.

"What did you do?" She narrowed her eyes. "Teresa. What happened?"

"How dare you assume this is my fault!"

Agura did not falter. "You not explaining things is _so_ not helping me find him any quicker. AJ, you wanna fill me in on this?"

The Canadian shuffled his feet, suddenly finding the floor very interesting to look at.

She raised a single eyebrow. "Well?"

He caved immediately. AJ lowered his head in shame, and he admitted how he and Teresa had argued so loudly that they failed to notice Tezz slip out the door. He was sure, in point of fact, that they had continued shouting for a good ten minutes before realizing he was gone and discovering the note.

Agura raised her palm to her forehead. "If he left a note, why the hell are you so worried?" With a roll of her eyes she headed for the door. "Check Zeke's. He probably just wanted to eat without his overbearing 'sister' and his worrywart boyfriend breathing down his neck."

Teresa opened her mouth, but no sound came out. The mirror world refugee began turning the most unbecoming shades of maroon, and finally purple. For as little regard as she held for AJ's intelligence, she gave credit where credit was due; at the very least, the Canadian had the presence of mind to back away slowly.

"BOYFRIEND?!"

"We were going to tell you eventually," he said calmly, holding his hands up in defense. "Tezz and I were trying to figure out how to break it to you gently."

"You albino son of a WHORE!" Teresa lashed out wildly with her fist. AJ tried to dodge, but she managed to just barely clip his jaw. The electrodes made contact with his skin, and the heart-shaped hadron crystal discharged its full amperage directly into the Canadian's face. AJ was no longer conscious by the time he hit the floor, so he could not hear Teresa screaming at him in Russian. He also could not, at the moment, feel her kicking him in the shin. But, oh, would he ever feel it later! Lucky for the helpless young man, Agura was able to pull the Russian away and give her a stern talking to.

Agura still felt bad about what happened to the female Volitov back in the mirror world, but sometimes, dealing with her bad attitude was a real fucking chore. She put Tezz's early days with the team to shame. Even as Agura yanked her off of him, she carried on about how everything that had happened was AJ's fault, called him all sorts of awful names, and accused him of many heinous crimes and perversions. Finally she could take the Russian's frantic and angry shouting no longer and snapped.

"Wow, Teresa!" she chirped, grinning with false cheer. "You must be so worried about your brother to waste all this time beating on his boyfriend! You really are just begging for my help!" The huntress rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated growl. "And what do you even need me for? Just lock onto his tracking beacon!"

"There is a problem with the hub's tracking system," Teresa said tersely. "It appears to have been purposefully jammed."

"So the boy doesn't want to be found. Your genius of a brother must've been vying for some extra time AWOL," she replied. "His hour's almost up, anyways. Why don't you go meet him at Zeke's and apologize? Sounds like the three of you need to sit down for a long talk."

With a friendly wink to the groggy and pained AJ, she sent them both off. She cared not where to, specifically, as long as it was the hell away from her. Still, Tezz being missing was something to be concerned about. Just to be on the safe side, Agura sent the Russian a text asking if he was okay and letting him know his sister was on the war path. As soon as she had his overly wordy reply in her inbox, she went to find Vert.

Vert would want to know his friend and teammate was okay. But more importantly, as far as Agura was concerned, Zoom had taken Grace to the movies, Stanford had gone along to spy on them, and the Cortez brothers were now confirmed to be in the wind with Tezz. With Teresa and AJ searching for Tezz and Sage recharging in the lab, that meant that Agura and Vert were the only two of the Hub's denizens who presently had nothing to do.

Agura planned to remedy that.

Vigorously.


End file.
